Bad jokes and timing
by sharkinterviewee
Summary: Just a little thorkyrie ficlet, where Thor tells seriously bad jokes right in the middle of sex because it's the only time he can catch Valkyrie off guard enough to make her snort with laughter instead of biting her tongue and rolling her eyes at truly lame jokes


"You remember when we first met?" Thor asked, smirking as he entered her so teasingly slowly. Damn fool was such a talker.

Her toes were still curling from the last orgasm when he put his mouth to better use instead of running it off (he was _achingly_ good with his head between her legs), but if his lips weren't otherwise occupied, Thor was almost always talking in bed. Not that she minded that. The explicit words she was a fan of- just, while a skilled orator when it came to speeches and a fine purveyor of dirty talk, Thor was also the kind of person who moved from witty banter and suggestive comments into dumb joke territory without any warning during sex.

Like the _dumbest_ jokes. She swore he saved up the worst jokes he'd ever heard just to spring on her during sex, cause that's the only time he can get her to snort at just the lamest sense of humor.

While you may get Valkyrie to smile at jokes, she seldom laughs at them. And she definitely does not snort, ever, in any context.

But when Thor's got her good and distracted with a thorough, quality fucking, he'll tell a joke that's so dumb she wants to die and actually make her snort. At the fucking stupidest things.

And it was impossible to tell if he was going to say something snarky, suggestive, some genuine dirty talk, or dumbass jokes when he opened his mouth.

But with his smirk, she had a guess of which this would be (yeah, that was a snarky smirk if she ever saw one).

His expression was playful, and she knew she was about to roll her eyes in a second.

Nevertheless, she wrapped her legs around his hips, gripping his shoulders and pulling him closer.

"What of it?" She humored him.

"You remember what I told you was my childhood dream?"

She raised her eyebrow, wondering if he was going somewhere with this. He can't honestly expect her to remember a conversation that happened hundreds of years ago. She still thought of him as a childish, utter fool, and most of her time on sakaar was spent drunk anyway.

"How I wanted to be in the valkyries as a child, before I found out they were all women and thus I couldn't."

Brunnhilde narrowed her eyes at him, and Thor's smirk only grew.

"I guess now you could say I've fulfilled that dream. Of being in the valkyries," he grinned, snapping his hips into hers, so hard it made her keen and clench around him.

And oh gods, she was going to kill him. She's really going to do it this time.

But then he was pumping in and out of her, filling her up so nicely, her body still thrumming from her previous orgasm, flesh so deliciously sensitive as she met his thrusts, the friction she has rutting against his pubic bone good enough to convince her to prolong his death for saying something as dumb as that when he was _inside her_ no less. Thor leaned down, kissing and sucking her neck, and she wanted to be indignant, but the sharp, breathy sounds falling from her lips were anything but.

"I always did want to be in the valkyries," he murmured, biting the base of her throat. And she just couldn't let him get away with that.

But she wanted to _so_ bad.

Brunnhilde grabbed his hair, yanking his head up with enough force to make him moan (not gonna lie, that was _supremely_ gratifying). She didn't waste any time before she crashed her lips to his, tugging his bottom lip open and just claiming his mouth with a snarl.

And he gave her all of him.

She just took and took, practically shoving her tongue down his throat, ravaging his mouth with a primal aggression that she didn't tone down even the slightest.

Once she was satisfied, Brunnhilde ripped away from their kiss, forcing his head back down, and he dutifully began sucking on her neck again as she bucked her hips up with a frightful force.

"You're lucky you're good at sex, cause that was without a doubt the worst joke you've ever told," she growled, trying to sound threatening, but she was a little too breathless for it to have the full effect.

Thor just smiled against her throat. "No, I think it's because you love me."

She could feel the heat rising in her face and her chest, and wondered if he could feel the flush spreading across her skin with his lips.

"Screw you, your majesty" she said, trying to avoid any vulnerability, but there's none of the bite to her tone that there would be with anyone else. Something about him made her go soft.

"With pleasure."


End file.
